Before Clover when to sleep, e took off eir socks and put on a scarf. Because that makes sense.
Archives For Emma Clover
Trigger Warning: This post makes reference to child abuse and alcoholism.
I stopped drinking booze regularly a few months ago. But for years I’ve avoided drinking away from home. I wasn’t sure why that was, but I just thought of it: every person that beat me as a child was a drunk adult.
The reason I was thinking of it is because whenever anyone asks me if I would like a drink at some social function, instead of politely refusing, I would explain in constrained detail that I don’t drink in public. That was shorthand for me saying, “I am going to stay sober, because I don’t trust any of you, and I need to have some advantage if you are drunk.”
Of course I don’t distrust many folks, and I actively surround myself with people that I can rely on to a certain extent. But I don’t like it when people drink at social functions. “Social drinker” was the code-words my grandparents used to discuss their alcoholism, and because I don’t have the energy to check in with each person and seeing how they are doing in life in order to make an assessment, I’d rather just be able to check out of the whole ritual.
I prefer to drink alone, because I am often alone, and that is when drinking happens. It used to concern me, because drinking with friends, or to become uninhibited, is given a pass in this society. I don’t really enjoy either, because I like paying attention to people, and I like being uninhibited while sober. I realize now that it is a source of power for me, and also a privilege. I can do things that other people need chemical supplements to achieve.
One day (in a couple of decades) I hope to drink good wines and sake with Clover, and hopefully cultivate in em a snobbish disdain for cheap, tasteless liquor. But I will never put myself in a situation where I could easily justify hitting anyone, let alone a child. And since it doesn’t actually affect me socially, I won’t drink with groups of people, either.
Today Clover was sick, so e sat in my lap and we watched Little Bear videos together. Eir favorite one is probably Mother Bear’s Button. I was completely surprised when a minute into it, Clover just started saying it. Everything, every line, of each character. I have a good memory, and can often repeat lines back to folks verbatim, but I can’t recall that entire video. That is fascinating.
On the other hand, the day before, Clover was eating something and sneezed, biting down really hard on eir finger! It didn’t draw blood, but it did break the skin, and really freaked em out; e cried and hyperventilated for a few minutes. Susan and I took turns holding em so the other could silently bend over in laughter. It was hilarious! I am so sad for this little kid that mimic mannerisms after a single observation, but will also bite themselves sneezing.
Hahaha! Humans are funny. ^_^
I had grand plans to heavily document Clover’s life, from the beginning. Turns out that is really hard, since doing so is not generating income. And living with Clover and Susan, and generating income are my daily goals.
Susan does a lot better job of catching a visual record, and we’ve supported that by ensuring she has good equipment and a publishing system that works (Instagram to WordPress). All the photos I take are on a DSLR camera, and I don’t have a good workflow of moving them onto the web.
So, quick and infrequent update: Clover is rocking. Susan and I are as well, although our childhoods seem to get popping up more as Clover’s develops. Meh (not really, it is awesome, in that terrifyingly literal sense). We are ever figuring stuff out, and trying to make the most out of it. We are not rich, but we are certainly not poor; ours is a lovely life, and the less we take for granted, the more wonderful the world is around us. I think my capacity as an “adult” it correlated to how much I want to move it forward for future people to enjoy the civic infrastructure around them. That would be a nice sensitivity for Clover to grow up around. ^_^
Clover has been getting gifts lately, and I see the common thread. Others may not understand the connection, but I shall cultivate this new stage of evolution for my larva.
I drank a bottle of Bawls over 14 hours ago. I should have been asleep a few hours ago. Never doing that again.
When I was younger, I compensated for my over-thinking and sensitivity. I wore myself out in mind and body so I could rest, because if I don’t, I can hear cars from afar, and people breathing in the apartment below me, and ice hardening in the freezer, and if nothing else, just a constant ringing in my ears from a deafening silence.
Now I listen to Susan and Clover breathing, or I think about how I will leverage my privilege to help someone today. I accept it, let it flow through me. I still use tea to blow the fuzz out of my brain, and I know that after three pots, I am really, really happy. But I can get to sleep before the sun rises on the next day, even after that much tea.
Energy drinks really mess me up. I’m okay with that. I’m okay without them.
To the operators of http://freedownloadmovies.tv, it has come to my attention that you are hosting images of my child, Emma Clover, on a biography page describing an actor of the same name. The page I am describing is preserved at https://web.archive.org/web/20131127011611/http://freedownloadmovies.tv/biography/Clover,_Emma.
As a webcrafter, I am professionally dismayed at the typography and inaccessibility of that site. It does not respond to various devices, and has extraneous markup that prohibits it from being read by services that help people in understanding the subject. You’ve taken the time to add the so-called “open social graph” elements, but you still load iframes and wrap everything in unnecessary div blocks. I recommend that you seek a professional webcrafter to redo your site that follows modern best practices and technology.
However, that is not why I am writing to you today; rather, it is the personal matter of hosting images of my young child Emma Clover. No doubt you have some automated services scraping the internet for images, and I hope this causes you to reconsider that strategy and take a more hands-on approach to gathering information.
All the images you’ve used are either full copyright, or licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution Share-Alike license. Where it is licensed under CC, we require attribution. As the images you’ve pulled are from a few different sites, please check your logs and attribute correctly (we normally ask for the name of the photographer, either me or Susan Magnolia, and a link to the appropriate site). As an advocate of the commons, I will help you in this if you’d like, you can reach me at email@example.com, or one of the ways described at http://interi.org/contact.
If your software prohibits you from easily attributing those images, or you otherwise choose not to comply with the license we’ve released those images under, please remove them from your site. If you have any questions, please feel free to contact me, or check the resources listed at http://creativecommons.org/contact; the mailing list or IRC channel may be the quickest way to get help on how to use culture licensed with Creative Commons.
I look forward to your response and compliance.
This is also posted as an open letter at http://interi.org/2013/11/open-letter-freedownloadmoviestv/.