Archives For violence

Safety and homes

July 14, 2013 — Leave a comment

Someone came into my home and yelled at me and my family today. All day long I’ve been dealing with feelings of insecurity, fear and anger.

It is weird being an adult that can deal with strong emotions, and then experiencing someone else having an episode where they apparently can’t control themselves. I’ve had no recourse or closure, I just got yelled at and then was left to wallow in the silence that happens after a violent act.

I haven’t been yelled at in many years, and it really puts me on edge, because those times it was followed by the people yelling at me doing things to actively harm me or my living situation. I’ve had my home destroyed, or been beaten, or kicked to the streets.

And writing this I just realized the last time someone yelled at me was triggered by that person having lost a loved one. I understand that grief is powerful, and can overwhelm people. It is difficult to communicate a healthy way to emote to those that are in mourning.

I don’t have any answers. Think I will just take a shower and cry.

Mothers and careers

March 9, 2013 — 2 Comments

Trigger: I talk about abuse and violence in this post.

I had wanted to articulate something that was bothering me about the narrative forming around the women who are executives of large companies. fortunately, Carolyn Edgar did it for me.

This is close to me, and not because I am concerned by wealth distribution (I am) or because I harbor a secret socialist agenda (I do). It is because I was old enough to see how my mother was affected by inequality and gender roles.

When I was in second grade, one day my mother’s husband went to work, and she packed our Plymouth station wagon with a bunch of stuff and her three kids, and we left the state. It was the bravest, scariest and craziest thing I think my mother ever did that involved me. Her husband habitually beat her, in that same year having sent her to the emergency room after throwing her down a flight of stairs. My mother didn’t graduate high school, was pushed into being a homemaker by a variety of factors, and had no real way to escape an abusive partner that also supported her and her children.

I have a complex and just plain not great relationship with my mother, but I consider her actions that day we left to be one of the best gifts of my life. So when I hear about people who made more money in the last year than I may in my life, it seems offensive to categorize it as an issue for women. And it is a disservice to actually help people who are suffering from poverty, malnutrition, lack of education and the various symptomatic abuses that follow those environments.

Having become a parent now, my goal is to generate enough income to allow our small family to have healthy and engaging lives. We live in this world, which means that my life is only engaging if I am helping better the world for everyone, not just the women running Fortune 500 companies.

Magical Assistant

February 27, 2013 — 2 Comments

I put up some notes on Historiae for a new game I am calling Magical Assistant. I’ve thought of ways to create a game that isn’t based on violence. I would like to at least have an option, once Clover is old enough to play with me.

Violence in games

February 7, 2013 — Leave a comment

Struggling with violence in games, and how I want to deal with it.

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Nicole Polizzi got punched in a bar during the filming of a reality TV show. Media coverage is focused on points that I think are at best unimportant, and at worst hurting the conversation. And no one is surprised.

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