Zombies versus mummies

sweetafton23 wrote an interesting post on this subject, and my reply grew into something of field guide. Enjoy.

Zombies are driven by instinct. That instinct is not natural, rather it is crafted by the force that imposed the malignity on the victim, either a plague or some spell. Simple enough. While it is popularly thought that zombies strive after brains, that is again an object crafted by the imposing force. Some of the lesser creative agencies (Arcanum, Nazis, US Marine Scientists) think that breaking through a human skull and extracting the brains is the fastest way to disable a populace. Have they never heard of drunken boxing? Or flame-throwers? Seriously, turn the knob and go!

Mummies, however, are an entirely different class of undead creature. Whereas a zombie is undead only by virtue of its recently still-reproducing cellular matter, a mummy is an intentionally earth-bound spirit attached to an object in the physical world. A mummy is not only a wrapped body. It is the apparatus that binds the conscious to this world. It is not out of the question to propose that a mummy could be a wrapped body, the treasure around it, and the tomb itself!

Whereas zombies are cheap units bound to an agenda, mummies are created on a case by case basis. The point is to make sure that the spirit of the deceased stays that way, as in it should not reincarnate and return in a recreated vessel. The Egyptians believed that our bodies are made of the same matter in each life, that our corpses would return to dust, collect in our mother’s womb, and contain our soul again. So, prolong the dust-ing, keep the spirit in spirit-land.

Some mummies do this because they are emotionally immature, likely inbred royalty, and think that being a spirit outside the linear time frame of the physical world is where it’s at. That is just silly. One can not learn and enrich one’s soul in that way, and they are the equivalent of spiritual stupid-heads. Sad lot.

The other mummies, and the ones that we, as mortals, should be concerned about, are the mummies that did not volunteer for the procedure. They did something, or could do something, really bad. Folks took precautions, and need those mummies to stay in limbo for as long as possible. Of course they aren’t counting on Americans completely disregarding the dangers of the Old World and setting up shop in some ancient tomb.

It should be noted that these mummies, the bad mofos, are often times capable of creating zombies. Sometimes they seem like lesser mummies, but they are really just the mummies will controlling the body of their dead servants who were lucky enough to be buried alive with them. Fortunately, these wrapped zombies are very weak, since their bodies’ structures are nearing that of dust anyway. Very susceptible to fire.

I will end with one bit of advice that is sure to keep the mummies at bay, though you may need to incapacitate them first. Since the point is to keep them from turning to dust so they reincarnate, and possibly into something worst, then there is a sure fire way to keep them from doing so. Enter LifeGem.

The LifeGemĀ® is a certified, high-quality diamond created from the carbon of your loved one as a memorial to their unique life.

Mummies lead unique lives. And the cool thing is, one body can produce up to one hundred gems! A few in the ocean, a few sent into space, maybe one on your trophy jewelry case. That is how to make sure d00d stays un-reincarnated!

I hope this is useful information for those of you who go make enemies of, or live near, undead, evil sorcerers, or just mean folk. If you have any more questions feel free to ask in the comments. We can make this a support post for anyone in the dire situation of having to deal with things that go moan in the night.

One thought on “Zombies versus mummies”

  1. I like Mumm-ra, the ever living. I thought he might be considered a zombie, but I can see now that he is really a pimped out mummy

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