Wasn’t worth it

Today Clover was using a chair to get flowers from a glass vase. When I told em to get down e started frantically trying to put the flower back in. I got scared, and reacted in a way that I knew would paralyze Clover, because it works on most humans: I yelled in a specific, scary way.

Clover cried and ran to Susan.

It is the most violent act I committed against em, and perhaps the most violent in all, aside from gravity or sharp corners. Nobody felt good about it, we were all left less happy.

I am observing this here for reference. Humans are fragile, wired for adversity, and ultimately lead meaningless lives with the exception of the connection we make with each other. As morbid as it sounds, I think it would have been better for Clover to cut eir hand on the vase.

2 thoughts on “Wasn’t worth it”

  1. “One who does not make mistakes, makes nothing”

    Parenting is sometimes difficult, the mere fact that you are thinking about your choices demonstrates that you are doing it right!

  2. It is good to know you can reach Emma that quickly, that profoundly.

    I remember being yelled at a couple times, for similar reasons. And then watching my sisters grow up and also get yelled at, also for similar reasons, I understood. My parents were just looking out for us. That voice is handy when your kid is running into a street without looking, or when a mama bear comes into a camp ground and you have to get your kids gathered up quickly… I was never yelled at otherwise, so I knew a loud voice meant something serious.

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