Spock/Kirk, straight to my inbox

I was pleasently surprised to read the following opening in the DreamHost newsletter for December:

“Spock? Everything all right? I asked for that atmospheric report
hours ago.”

“I chose to ignore your command, Captain.”


“Captain, perhaps you should remand me to my quarters.”

“What? You’d better start explaining yourself, Mister!”

“Captain! Jim. It is…the pon farr. The Vulcan mating impulse. I am
having trouble…concentrating.”

“Again? It’s been seven years already? My god, Spock! We’re headed to
the DreamPress nebula now. Even at maximum warp we wouldn’t make it
back to Vulcan for another five or six weeks and the nearest Federation
outpost isn’t much closer! You’ll die!”

“I have considered this, Captain. There is only one logical

“Spock, why are you putting your hand on my chest?”

“Search your feelings, Jim. You know this is the only way. I have
considered you a friend since our earliest days at Starfleet. Today, to
save my life, I hope you will allow us to become more than just

“Spock, this is wrong. There are regulations against this. I’m your
commanding officer.”

“Of course, Captain. I understand.”


“Yes, Captain?”

“I’d be lying if I said the thought had never crossed my mind.”

“As would I.”

“I’ll do it Spock. I’ll do it.”

“Jim, you don’t have…”

“I *want* to. What do we do first?”

“Very well. Thank you, Captain. I have studied your earth customs and
mating rituals. You’ll find a bottle of Saurian brandy on the table
behind you.”

“Saurian brandy! Spock! You shouldn’t have!”

“I believe you’ll want to drink it now, Captain.”


“Are you prepared?”

“Prepared to go where my heart has been asking me to take it for the
last fifteen years? Are you kidding me?”

**comm beeps** “Captain, you’re wanted on the bridge. Forward sensors
have detected a probe from the 20th century.”

“I’m busy, Lieutenant! Mark it in the ship’s logs and move on. Kirk
out. Now, my pointy-eared friend, let’s talk about probes of a
different kind.”

It is obviously not the best slash, but it is a classic pairing, and a nice holiday gift. It continues with their sign-off, which for a newsletter is always the place to unsubscribe:

P.S. – If the very serious topic of Vulcan physiology offends your
umbrageous human sensibilities, please consider making the logical
choice and unsubscribing from this newsletter.

I’d love to know the unsub stats for this one! ^_^


I don’t let Clover use my computer for very long, because for some reason e always pushes key combos that do odd things, even from the lock screen. I tried to keep em in a game of Osmos on the tablet, but that doesn’t last every long either, since the soft keys are on the bottom of the screen.

It occurred to me to create a separate account for Clover on the tablet, since that is a feature in Android now. That way e could play around, but without a connected account, and all the network snooping turned off. Clover was delighted! Here are some observations.

First of all, I am amazed by how much detail e picks up from watching us. The new home screen screen didn’t have anything on it, but the bottom row had a bunch of Google apps and the icon to open the app drawer. Clover keep pushing that, and launched apps from that screen. Whenever e made it back to the home, that would be the button e pressed again. This happened about 1 minute into have eir own account.

The second thing, and the inspiration for the title of this post, is when Clover activated the speech feature. It made a sound, which Clover took to be it was talking to em. So e held the tablet up to eir head like a phone, and talked said, “Hello.” It replied with three beeps. Clover proceeded to just talk to it.

That is pretty interesting. I don’t use the speech features in any device, because I am trained to use my hands instead of my voice when I am thinking and computing at the same time. There are already people who use voice technology extensively; of the folks I know who do, none of them use it for lack of access, they just were into it, and adjusted their workflow so. I get the appeal, but my standards are Star Trek high, which means I never picked it up.

Clover, however, will have this little piece of tech that I take for granted, in nearly every device e interacts with. It is only going to get better, and development will speed up as more people use it. Clover will have used it for practically eir whole life. That is fascinating. ^_^